


Alexander Hamilsquad's Texts

by hoedogg



Series: Revolutionary Texts [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But the majority, Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Kinks, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Philip is a cat im not sorry, Texting, Thomas is an asshole, Trans Male Character, What Have I Done, and characters, burr is trans, but thats also very irrelevant, but thats irrelevant to the fic, dont expect much, just a couple tho, lots of sex/dick jokes, ok maybe not EVERYONE, therell be a few memes here and there, well there's kinda plot but idrk what im doing SO...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 10,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6733453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoedogg/pseuds/hoedogg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Group chats tend to get weird. No exception with these idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dad

**Author's Note:**

> Ayy. Hello wonderful little peoples. This is my first Hamilton fic and I honestly only made this because I'm stumped on what more to write fir this destiel fic that I'm making for a friend of mine. Also I usually hate these texting AU things or whatever they're called, but bvrnes' 'read receipts have their eyes on u' inspired me, so I suggest you read that. I have no idea how often I'll be updating but this is a pretty simple fic so I guess it might be fairly frequently??? i'll probably write more tomorrow but idk because I'm gonna be testing like a motherfucker tomorrow.  
> If you haven't realized this through the tag or the fact that they're texting, any and all mistakes regarding spelling and grammar are intentional. Now I could write super neatly and write in perfectly structured sentences, but nah fam. This ain't a serious fic. The name will probably change at some point. I just couldn't think of a relevant title. I needed my sister's help with the name.  
> I realize I'm probably rambling so sorry fir that. Enjoy whatever this is.

**ham & cheese >> john cena, eliza schuyscraper, gilbert did ur momtier, hercules the olympian, angelicool, marg simpson**

 

**ham & cheese: ** GUYS 

**ham & cheese:** H E L P M E

**john cena:** what happened

**marg simpson:** who died

**ham & cheese: ** ME

**ham & cheese: ** IM DEAD DON’T INVITE JEFFERSON OR BURR TO MY FUNERAL

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i like planning close friends funerals as much as the next person but i’d like to know your cause of death

**hercules the olympian:** ^

**eliza schuyscarper:** ^^

**ham & cheese:** OKAY SO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CALLED MY BOSS DAD

**marg simpson:** oH MY GOD WHAT WHY HOW WHEN W H E RE

**angelicool:** IM LAUGHFD

**ham & cheese: ** IM GONNA OFF MYSLEF GUYS IM SO GODDAMN EMBARRASSED

**hercules the olympian:** IM PISSINF MYSELF HELP

**gilbert did ur momtier:** I CHOKED OH GOD

**john cena:** R I P FOREVER

**ham & cheese: ** thanks a lot guys

**ham & cheese: ** really appreciate it

**eliza schuyscraper:** no no it’s ok

**eliza schuyscraper:** explain what happened

**ham & cheese: ** eliza is the only one here who loves me. But ok so washington was talking to me in his office and he was basically saying that i seemed really tired nd asked if i had been getting enough sleep. I said yeah sorta and he knew i was lying (but honestly who needs sleep???) so he let me have the next few days off but i dont want to miss work like that you know? So we argued and he won and i was really pissed and wasnt thinking about what the fuck i was saying so i yelled “BUT DAD I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DONT NEED I” and it was super loud and we stared at each other for a while and he started to talk and called me son but i cut him off, yelled “YOURE NOT MY DAD” and ran out before he could say anything

**john cena:** wow

**marg simpson:** dont mind me just casually dying in the middle of a lecture

**gilbert did ur momtier:** MON AMI HOW THE FUC K 

**angelicool:** YOU POOR MAN OMG THATS FUCKIBG G9

**ham & cheese: ** ELIZA BEST OF WOMEN BEST OF WIVES MY LOVE PLEASE TELL THEM TO LEAVE ME ALONE

**eliza schuyscraper:** …

**ham & cheese: ** ??????eliza????????

**eliza schuyscraper:** im sorry alex i just finished dying of laughter

**ham & cheese: ** OH COME ON IM LITERALLY DYING AND YOURE ALL JUST GOING TO LAUGH??? YOURE ALL EVIL I TELL YOU

**ham & cheese: ** E V I L

**john cena:** love u 2 babe

**ham & cheese: ** whatever

**john cena:** youre cute when u deny my love ;)

**angelicool:** john that was the rapiest thing i may have ever heard

**marg simpson:** damn john back at it again with the creepy shit

**hercules the olympian:** ok but i cant stop imagining alexander as the “youre not my dad” kid

**gilbert did ur momtier:** OH MY GOD I CANT UNSEE IT

**ham & cheese: ** GO FUCK A HORSE MULLIGAN

**gilbert did ur momtier:** in which i am a horse

**angelicool:** y’all nasty

**eliza schuyscrper:** theyre nasty. ok. seems like u forgot two years ago huh angelica *tea, frog emoji*

**marg simpson:** I REMEMBER THAT TELL THEM

**angelicool:** NO DONT TELL THEM PLEASE

**john cena:** HWAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR

**angelicool:** SHUT IT LAURENS

**gilbert did ur momtier:** im intrigued

**ham & cheese: ** I REFUSE TO BE THE ONLY HUMILIATED ONE IN THIS CHAT. ELIZA. WHAT HAPPENED.

**eliza schuyscraper:** well you see…

**angelicool:** nO DONT PLS HFHUEIWRH

**eliza schuyscraper:** so we were all at our parents house during winter break. angel had broughten her boyfriend at the time and my mom made these rly good cookies and my mom wanted angels bf to try some. they were both in angel’s room so my mom sent peg to get them

**angelicool:** END ME

**eliza schuyscraper:** the door was unlocked so peg opened it and walked in on angelica giving her bf a handjob. she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran downstairs all scared and shit. my mom asked what was wrong and then angel ran down before peg could say anything and gave her the Angelica Glare™ and told her not to say shit. so neither me or mom knew what had happened but of course our wonderful peggy told me when no one was around

**marg simpson:** i was never the same after that...

**angelicool:** kms

**ham & cheese: ** EW OH MY GOD WHAT

**angelicool:** BITE ME HAMILTON AT LEAST I DONT CALL MY BOSS DAD

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i am,,, how do u say,,, disgusted

**angelicool:** THATS EXACTLY HOW YOU SAY IT SAISON MARGUERITE

**hercules the olympian:** alex may have called washingdone dad but goddamn i dont think even he woukd do something like that

**ham & cheese: ** HERCULES MY KNIGHT

**angelicool:** thts it eliza we fightin

**john cena:** battle of the century

**marg simpson:** i feel like i should stop this…

**marg simpson:** lol nah

**gilbert did ur momtier:** battles and horrible stories aside, who wants to come over to me and herc’s place to watch the office

**ham & cheese: ** ME ND JOHN ARE GOING

**angelicool:** me2 i guess

**eliza schuyscraper:** ill bring popcorn

**marg simpson:** i shall bringeth the sweets

**gilbert did ur momtier:** cool


	2. spam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander doesn't like TJeffs (but that's normal). Some love (much to Peggy and Angelica's disgust)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy so I wrote this on the bus and there's a leak that no one has bothered to fix so my leg is all wet and uncomfortable. I am b I t t E r.
> 
> Also this chapter is way shorter than I wanted it to be but shit happens yknow
> 
> But enjoy the chapter.

**ham & cheese >> john cena, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, hercules the olympian, marquis did ur momtier**

**ham & cheese:** IM GOING TO FIGHT THOMAS JEFFERSON

**john cena:** what happened this time

**hercules the olympian:** nothing new

**ham & cheese: **HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT. HE PISSES ME OFF

**hercules the olympian:** again, nothing new

**marg simpson:** CAN I WATCH

**ham & cheese: **OK SO I WAS TALKING W/ BURR SO YOU ALREADY KNOW I WAS IN HELL BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE I CAN BE CIVIL??? AND THE FUCKING ASSHAT JUST JUMPS IN AND STARTS ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT WHAT I WROTE ABOUT HIM IN MY TWITTER

**ham & cheese: **I SPOKE NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

**john cena:** alex you called him a baguette-fondling French wannabe who somehow manages to be greasy and crusty at the same time

**gilbert did ur momtier:** I honestly don't understand why you hate tom so much he isn't that bad

**ham & cheese: **SHUT THE FUCK UP BAGUETTE FUCKER

**gilbert did ur momtier:** why do you have to ruin baguettes for me

**marg simpson:** i ship it

**gilbert did ur momtier:** dear God no

**hercules the olympian:** i will fight that greasy conservative

**gilbert did ur momtier:** you're the only man for me herc  <333

**marg simpson:** get ur love out of here tf

**gilbert did ur momtier:** rude

**angelicool:** I'm in fucking class rn stop spamming me

**john cena:** oh ok

**john cena:** i

**john cena:** won't

**john cena:** spam

**john cena:** you

**john cena:** at

**john cena:** all

**ham & cheese: **I

**ham & cheese:** want

**ham & cheese: **Jefferson

**ham & cheese: **to

**ham & cheese: **d

**ham & cheese: **i

**ham & cheese: **e

**hercules the olympian:** no

**hercules the olympian:** one

**hercules the olympian:** was

**hercules the olympian:** spamming

**hercules the olympian:** though

**angelicool:** tell me why im friends with you losers i hate you

**marg simpson:** you love us <333

**angelicool:** whatever

**ham & cheese: **wait where's the passive aggressive ray of sunshine, my wife Elizabeth Schuyler

**john cena:** why do you compliment eliza more than me i am triggered

**marg simpson:** im pretty sure she got a job at Walmart or someshit

**ham & cheese: **oh john eliza doesn't have your freckles or your dick <3

**john cena:** my alexander <3

**ham & cheese: **my john <3

**marg simpson:** ew what the fuck get out

**angelicool:** are me nd Peggy really the only single ones here

**hercules the olympian:** wait who's liza dating

**marg simpson:** she won't tell anyone

**angelicool:** ive been crying about her secrecy for 253739393928 years

**ham & cheese: **im gonna grill her for answers

**angelicool:** please do oh my god

**ham & cheese: **brb gonna text her

**marg simpson:** BOI HE BOUTA DO IT

**gilbert did ur momtier:** don't die

**hercules the olympian:** have fun i guess

**john cena:** bye handsome <33

**marg simpson:** angel can we go out for drinks to forget our singleness please

**angelicool:** yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: alexander gets answers to who eliza's secret lover is


	3. answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander gets answers. Other things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has kinda sorta plot??? Didn't think id ever accomplish that. But yeah I couldn't think of anyone else to pair with sorry ;;  
> Yeah uh enjoy I guess

**ham & cheese >> eliza schuyscraper**

**ham & cheese:** Elizabeth Schuyler

 **eliza schuyscraper:** Alexander Hamilton

 **ham & cheese: **so you're dating someone

 **eliza schuyscraper:** who told you that

 **ham & cheese: **Peggy told me. Angelica really bothered by it. why aren't you telling anyone?

 **eliza schuyscraper:** alex im not really up for talking about it

 **ham & cheese:** you know no one's going to judge you right?

 **eliza schuyscraper:** idk man ive just never felt this way and I'm worried

 **ham & cheese: **i wont tell anyone if you want

 **eliza schuyscraper:** you'd better not alex i stg i know how you tend to run your mouth

 **ham & cheese: **i promise

 **eliza schuyscraper:** ok so it's a girl. I've never felt this way about anyone let alone another girl. and I know no one's gonna judge me but I'm just really confused. We've been going on a couple of dates and they're so much fun

 **ham & cheese: **what's her name?

 **eliza schuyscraper:** Maria Reynolds

 **ham & cheese: **whenever you're ready to tell the others you should add her to the group chat

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i know thank. thank you

 **ham & cheese: **don't worry about it

 **ham & cheese: **but don't think im not offended. i thought i was your one and only ;(

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i may like like a girl but you're the only man for me  <3

 **ham & cheese: ***heart, smiling moon emoji*

 

**ham & cheese >> john cena, marg simpson, angelicool, gilbert did ur momtier, hercules the olympian**

**ham & cheese: **ok so liza told me who she's dating

 **ham & cheese: **but I can't tell you

 **angelicool:** ALEXANDER HAMILHOE YOU'D BETTER TELL ME WHO IT IS OR I WILL HAVE YOUR AiSS

 **john cena:** silly angelica everyone knows alexs ass is mine alone

 **ham & cheese: **regardless of who owns my ass, I can't tell any of you guys. She'll tell you when she's ready.

 **marg simpson:** ugh fine

 **angelicool:** HOW A R E YOU OK WITH THIS

 **marg simpson:** idk man her choice I guess? im chill w it

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** is she okay though???

 **hercules the olympian:** ^

 **ham & cheese: **she is but she's a bit nervous about it all so no one (*cough* angel *cough cough*) give her a hard time

 **angelicool:** fine

 **marg simpson:** np

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** i wont

 **john cena:** k

 **hercules the olympian:** i am hercules mulligan i never give anyone a hard time

 **marg simpson:** someone add liza to the chat

**john cena has added eliza schuyscraper to the chat!**

**john cena:** ayy

 **eliza schuyscraper:** hey squad

 **ham & cheese: **did you just say squad

 **ham & cheese: **are you drunk

 **eliza schuyscraper:** essentially that's what we are aren't we

 **hercules the olympian:** true

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** our squad needs a name

 **john cena:** QUEER TEARS

 **marg simpson:** I AGREE WITH JOHN

 **eliza schuyscraper:** Hades’ babies

 **angelicool:** eliza what

 **eliza schuyscraper:** it sounds cute

 **hercules mulligan:** how bout The Pimps. It sounds like a band

 **john cena:** get out herc ur irrelevant

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** last night he was the most relevant thing in the room. so fucking relevant

 **hercules the olympian:** LAF STOP

 **ham & cheese: **CAN WE BE THE HAMILSQUAD

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** that's worse than the pimps

 **ham & cheese: **no but im usually the one who starts these chats so i think it's only fair

 **marg simpson:** send a video of u nd john playing rock paper scissors to decide

 **ham & cheese: **ok

**ham & cheese has sent a video.**

**ham & cheese: **AYYY

 **john cena:** fucker

 **ham & cheese: **I'll succ later

 **john cena:** ok

 **marg simpson:** you've failed us john

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** kms

 **angelicool:** me 2 laf

 **eliza schuyscraper:** so it's settled

 **eliza schuyscraper:** we're the hamilsquad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a plan for next chapter but I think I might update tomorrow


	4. kinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone either reveals their kink or is exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on making this chapter like this but it kinda happened I'm not sorry  
> Also I'm fluent in speaking spanish but idk if I really wrote everything correctly so if I didn't I'm sorry

**marg simpson >> ham & cheese, john cena, angelicool, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier, eliza schuyscraper**

**marg simpson:** you know what

 **marg simpson:** kinks are pretty weird

 **john cena:** Peggy what

 **gilbert did ur:** mon dieu here we go

 **marg simpson:** no no here me out

 **marg simpson:** i discovered a kink of mine and it made me think

 **marg simpson:** you know bout all the kinks a person can have

 **hercules the olympian:** what was the kink

 **marg simpson:** when people pull my hair

 **eliza schuyscraper:** doesn't everyone secretly have that kink

 **hercules the olympian:** if i had long hair id probably want it to be pulled too

 **angelicool:** tf not me once I was having sex and when the guy pulled my hair I slapped him

 **ham & cheese: **what is your kink then angelica

 **angelica:** i don't have one

 **marg simpson:** now now angelica have you forgotten one drunken night last year

 **angelicool:** not this shit again

 **ham & cheese: **WHAT HAPPENED

 **john cena:** angelica isn't safe in this chat

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** what happened *smiling moon emoji*

 **eliza schuyscraper:** lmao ik what ur talkin bout peg *smiling moon emoji*

 **marg simpson:** ok so we were all out for drinks and angel had brought her bf along with us so she got fucking S M a s h E d and was all over him saying how much she loved it when he pinned her like he owned her

 **ham & cheese: **jesus christ

 **john cena:** i think jesus christ is the opposite way to describe that

 **angelicool:** why is my sex life always being exposed to you fuckers

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** i am,,, how do u say,,, fucking terrified

 **angelicool:** SHUT THE FUCK UP BAGUETTE SHITTER

 **hercules the olympian:** no comment

 **angelicool:** that's it fuckers tell me yalls kinks

 **ham & cheese: **i have no kinks I am a child of god

 **john cena:** you sure about that, mi amor?

 **john cena:** porque yo creo que atí te gusta cuando yo te hablo en español

 **ham & cheese: **shit

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** what'd he say

 **marg simpson:** DUDE WHAT DID YOU SAY

 **hercules the olympian:** that's it im taking spanish classes

 **ham & cheese: **DON'T SAY IT

 **john cena:** basically he likes it when I speak spanish while we fuck

 **eliza schuyscraper:** goddamn alex

 **marg simpson:** *talk dirty to me plays in the distance*

 **ham & cheese: **WELL JOHN HAS A PRAISE KINK

 **john cena:** i have no shame

 **hercules the olympian:** I'm not ashamed of my kink either I love being called daddy

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** i love calling people daddy

 **hercules the olympian:** (;

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** ;)

 **john cena:** the only one who hasn't been exposed is eliza

 **ham & cheese: **my wife is too perfect to have kinks

 **eliza schuyscraper:** I don't have one

 **ham & cheese: **what'd I say?

 **marg simpson:** eliza has a spanking kink

 **angelicool:** DUDE WHAT NO MY POOR LITTLE SISTER IS IMMUNE TO SIN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 **marg simpson:** IT'S TRUE

 **eliza schuyscraper:** IS NOT

 **marg simpson:** DUDE YOU'RE NOT QUIET AT ALL LIKE I REMEMBER YALL THOUGHT EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE WAS ASLEEP AND YOU WERE LOUD AF I HEARD THE SLAPPING NOISES

 **hercules the olympian:** E X P O S E D

 **eliza schuyscraper:** jfc i thought you were asleep kms

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** i don't think I'll ever be the same person again after this revelation

 **ham & cheese: **what even is life

 **john cena:** i can't stop laughfhdk

**eliza schuyscraper has left the chat.**

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i hope she's going to church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if the Spanish is shit


	5. philip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alexander has a son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again this chapter did not go as planned. I think it was supposed to do something with jefferson but idk this happened I guess  
> Enjoy

**ham & cheese >> eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier, john cena**

**ham & cheese: **UM

 **ham & cheese: **GUYS BIG NEWS

 **ham & cheese: **i BOUGHT A KITTY

 **john cena:** im sorry what

 **marg simpson:** OMFG REALLY WHAT'S IT LOOKS LIKE IS IT A BOI OR A GIRL

 **john cena:** jesus alex did you not think to ask me first

 **ham & cheese: **i WAS JUST AT THE STORE AND THEY HAD A LITTLE PET SHOP OPEN AN D HE WAS JUST STARING AT ME WITH HIS LITTLE KITTEN EYE BALLS

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** IM AN UNCLE :'D

 **hercules the olympian:** LAF WE'RE UNCLES :D

 **eliza schuyscraper:** SEND A PIC

 **angelicool:** ^

 **john cena:** alex we don't even know how to take care of a cat what were you thinking

**ham & cheese has sent a picture.**

**ham & cheese: **LOOK HOW CUTE

 **marg simpson:** HE'S ADORABLE WTF

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** HERC WE NEED ONE

 **hercules the olympian:** LET'S GET ONE NEXT WEEK

 **angelicool:** P R O T E C T

 **eliza schuyscraper:** T H I S

 **marg simpson:** B A B Y

 **ham & cheese:** john? pleeeeeeease?

 **john cena:** fucking fine

 **ham & cheese: **YAY THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

 **john cena:** yeah yeah

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** ALEXANDRE AND ME AND HERC ARE GOING TO HELP YOU SHOP FOR THE BABY

 **hercules the olympian:** WHAT'S MY NEPHEWS NAME

 **ham & cheese: **his name is philip :)

 **eliza schuyscraper:** why philip

 **ham & cheese: **ive always wanted a son named philip

 **marg simpson:** when alex is actually lowkey adorable

 **ham & cheese: **i am not adorable

 **ham & cheese:** i am a death machine

 **ham & cheese:** my son on the other hand is absolutely amazing in the cute department

 **john cena:** alex when you get mad you stand on tables to feel big

 **john cena:** how is that not cute

 **hercules the olympian:** tbh he's like one of those puppies that bite you nd shit thinking they're big and strong at its cute and funny until it actually starts hurting

 **angelicool:** pretty much yeah

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i agree

 **marg simpson:** i can't speak im short too

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** Im sure you'll grow Peggy

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** alex im not so sure

 **ham & cheese:** i am offended :(

 **ham & cheese:** and idk why john is talking he's not tall either

 **john cena:** still taller than u

 **hercules the olympian:** i just imagined alex running around yelling “WE REPRESENT THE LOLLIPOP GUILD”  and now I'm crying

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** THAT'S TERRIFYING MON DIEU

 **ham & cheese:** fuckin abusers

 **john cena:** ily

 **ham & cheese: **mhm

 **eliza schuyscraper:** ily :)

 **ham & cheese:** ilyt :)

 **john cena:** ELIZABETH SCHUYLER STOP STEALING MY BOYFRIEND YOU WITCH

 **angelicool:** DON'T CALL MY SISTER A WITCH

 **hercules the olympian:** THE WITCH IS DEAD THE MUNCHKINS WILL BRING US PRESENT NOW

 **hercules the olympian:** alex where u @ with my gifts

 **ham & cheese:** kys horse

 **ham & cheese:** none of you are welcome to seeing my son

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** NO PLS THEY'RE SORRY

 **ham & cheese: **ok I'm still in the parking lot in the store so I'm not answering until I get home

 **marg simpson:** don't text and drive kiddos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so just think of Philip as a brown tabby with green eyes


	6. high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex got in a fight and now he's high off his ass on painkillers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's mothers day. Yay.  
> But it's also the day I've updated again. Yay.  
> I don't think I fucked up the Spanish in this but if I did I apologize in advance.  
> Enjoy

**john cena >> eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier**

**john cena:** guys alex is in the hospital

**angelicool:** WHAT HAPPENED

**gilbert did ur momtier:** MERDE IS HE OKAY

**hercules the olympian:** ok who do I gotta destroy

**marg simpson:** JFC IS HE ALRIGHT

**john cena:** hes ok he got into a fight while drunk at the bar with jefferson and madison. He's got two black eyes, a split lip, a few broken ribs (apparently jefferson kept banging him against the ground), and a cut of his head. He had to get stitches and he's high off of painkillers

**hercules the olympian:** jesus fuck

**marg simpson:** dude what the fuck

**eliza schuyscraper:** IS HE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT???

**angelicool:** ^

**john cena:** yeah he's fine. Rn he's singing I feel pretty

**marg simpson:** omfg send a video

**john cena has sent a video.**

**hercules the olympian:** not gonna lie it's not that bad considering he got his ass handed to him and he's high

**john cena:** have you ever heard him rap angrily before because it's honestly kind of a turn on

**gilbert did ur momtier:** SEND A VIDEO

**john cena has sent a video.**

**angelicool:** is he freestyling omg

**john cena:** pretty sure yeah

**eliza schuyscraper:** ive never seen him curse that much when rapping dear jesus

**marg simpson:** short man gets funKy 

**eliza schuyscraper:** when's he out if the hospital?

**john cena:** tomorrow

**gilbert did ur momtier:** all who agree to us going with john to pick him up say i

**hercules the olympian:** i

**marg simpson:** eye

**eliza schuyscraper:** i

**angelicool:** i

**marg simpson:** i want him to rap a freestyle about philip tomorrow

**john cena:** honestly I think he'd offer to before you ask

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i gtg I want cookies so I'm going to go to the store

**herculesthe olympian:** laf it's eleven at night 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** any time is cookie time

**angelicool:** wow

**marg simpson:** i like that logic

**gilbert did ur momtier:** I'll bring some for the lion tomorrow

**john cena:** yeah alright. You guys wanna talk to him? He's demanding I hand over the phone

**eliza schuyscraper:** do it

**marg simpson:** I WANNA MEET HIGH ALEX

**john cena:** AYY AMIGODS LMAOO HOW'S MI FAVORITE HOES I BEAN THINKIN ND I REALIZE D THAT JEFRRSING IS AN ASSCHOLW U KNO

**angelicool:**  it's worse than I thought

**marg simpson:** at least it's not like the time we had him try weed for the first time and he wouldn't stop speaking spanish

**gilbert did ur momtier:** that was hilarious 

**hercules the olympian:** tbh it was a little alarming

**john cena:** CHUPA MIS HUEVOS PUTAAAAAAS JAJAJA JOHN ESTA TRATANDO DE COJER EL TELEFONO PERO NO LO VOY A DEJAAAAAAAAAR

**marg simpson:** BOI

**john cena:** NIÑA 

**eliza schuyscraper:** i a m w e a k

**hercules the olympian:** this is oddly triggering what the fuck is he saying

**john cena:** TENGO AMBRE 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** save this poor man

**john cena:** CALLATE BAGUETTE

**john cena:** HOW BOUT U ND I ME ND U BAILAMOS BACHATA 

**john cena:** Y LUEGO U ND I ME ND U TERMINAMOS EN LA CAMAAAA 

**marg simpson:** hes singing romeo santos this is serious

**john cena:** ok I took the phone from him and now he won't stop singing romeo santos

**angelicool:** someone help this little man

**hercules the olympian:** what sin was he saying to us john

**john cena:** he told you guys to suck his balls then called you whores, laughed a bit and said I was trying to get the phone back but he wouldn't let me

**john cena:** then he said girl and told laf to shut up, then said he was hungry and he's still singing 

**hercules the olympian:** record it is have to see this

**john cena has sent a video.**

**marg simpson:** dear god his voice is too deep for that song stOP HIM JOH  N

**john cena:** i think he's getting tired

**john cena:** ok he just dropped dead 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** well that was an experience 

**hercules the olympian:** if you could call it that

**john cena:** well I'm gonna head home so later losers 

**marg simpson:** don't text and drive kiddos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOTTA STAY HIGH ALL THE TIIIIME TO KEEP YOU OF MY MIND OOooOO OOooO


	7. jeffershit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thomas jefferson is a dick and it makes alex feel bad. thankfully john is there to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY?? THAT'S RIGHT FUCKERS I CAN'T BE TAMED. I may or may not have been kinda sorta terrified whole writing this because my family was around. But yeah the contents of this fic is usually lighthearted and fun. I think this is a pretty nice twist.  
> Kinda nervous to post this because idk if yall will like the change but trust me chances are I wont make many more chapters like this (if I even make any more).   
> Btw does this count as fluff? Idk what half of this shit is but it is what it is I guess.   
> Enjoy (hopefully.)

**jeffersass >> ham & cheese**

**jeffersass:** hey loser

**ham & cheese:** what the fuck do you want jeffershit 

**jeffersass:** watch it bastard I've gotta say something

**ham & cheese:** hurry the fuck up and say it then

**jeffersass:** trust me when I say that I fucking hate this. james told me that I may have been a little too rough on you when I kicked your ass last week so he's forcing me to say sorry

**ham & cheese:** huh. did he convince you of that before or after you sucked his dick?

**jaffersass:** motherfucker would you listen to me for once in your damn life? Shit. Now as I was saying before you so rudely opened your ugly mouth, I'm sorry you don't know how to fight despite the fact that you talk like you're some sort of big scary jock

**ham & cheese:** how sweet of you. I'd kiss you but you see that's james’ job and I wouldn't want to steal it

**jeffersass:** fucking kill yourself

**ham & cheese:** ooh that one hurt

**ham & cheese: ** are you dine wasting my time?

**jeffersass:** whatever

 

**ham & cheese >> john cena**

**ham & cheese has sent a picture. **

**ham & cheese:** look what this son of a bitch said to me

**ham & cheese:** fucking unbelievable

**john cena:** HE CALLED YOU A FUCKING BASTARD? I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM

**ham & cheese:** don't even bother tbh it'll only urge him on

**john cena:** i love you ok if he gives you a hard time again im gonna rip his hair out

**ham & cheese:** <3

**john cena:** <3

**ham & cheese: ** you're amazing

**john cena:** not as much as you bae

**ham & cheese:** did you just call me bae *laughing emoji*

**john cena:** i may have

**ham & cheese: ** well bae, I'm drained because of jeffershit so I think I'm gonna take a nap

**john cena:** give me a minute to finish these dishes and I'll join you love

**ham & cheese:** okay <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I hope yall enjoyed that lil thing. Again, I'll probably not write many chapters like this. And yeah i know that this is way shorter than usual but if there's anything kindergarten taught me, it's that you get what you get and you don't get upset.  
> And hey maybe I'll update a third time just because I feel powerful ;))  
> Maybe.  
> Don't expect me to though.


	8. running man challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the running man challenge ruins friendships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here, I'm queer, and I've written another chapter  
> It's also shorter than the other chapters (again) sorry ://  
> Enjoy

**hercules the olympian >> eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, john cena, ham & cheese**

**hercules the olympian:** who wants to see me and laf doing the running man challenge

**ham & cheese:** I'd be offended if you didn't show us

**marg simpson:** tbh^

**angelicool:** always a slut for the running man challenge

**eliza schuyscraper:** me2 angel

**john cena:** lemme see that shit

**hercules has sent a video.**

**marg simpson:** yall cute

**angelicool:** why is lafayette wearing heels

**gilbert did ur momtier:** you should know by now I never pass up the opportunity to look fabulous

**john cena:** wise words of our favorite frenchman

**ham & cheese:** JOHN WE SHOULD DO THIS CHALLENGE 

**marg simpson:** RECORD IT FUCKERS 

**hercules the olympian:** tbh we should get together and all have a running man battle

**eliza schuyscraper:** plEASE YOU NERDS GOT NOTHING ON ME *three nail painting emojis*

**angelicool:** liza sit down you know my running man game is stronger than most people's relationships 

**marg simpson:** lmao who here is the internet junkie 

**eliza schuyscraper:** fight me scrubs

**john cena sent a video.**

**ham & cheese:** take that losers

**john cena:** me nd alex slayed you two

**angelicol:** that's it peg, liza let's show these guys how it's done

**marg simpson:** OOOH SHIT AWRIGHT LET'S GO

**eliza schuyscraper:** it's going down

**hercules the olympian:** pfft ok 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** damn they really think they can top us

**john cena:** come on now men, let's be easy on them

**angelicool sent a video.**

**marg simpson:** suck it

**eliza schuyscraper:** what was that about being easy on them?

**ham & cheese:** …

**john cena:** ....

**hercules the olympian:** . . .

**gilbert did ur momtier:** rude

**angelicool:** HOW was that rude

**marg simpson:** we got em in their feelings

**eliza schuyscraper:** adorable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: eliza's revelation (maybe)


	9. park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hamilsquad hangs out at the park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this was supposed to be the big reveal about eliza and Maria but I forgot.   
> Sorry ://  
> Anyway enjoy

**marg simpson >> ham & cheese, john cena, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, gilbert did ur momtier, hercules the olympian **

**marg simpson:** hey nerds

**ham & cheese: ** Peggy we’re all at the park together why are you texting

**marg simpson:** why r u answering 

**marg simpson:** also yall are on ya phones what is a simple meme lover to do

**gilbert did ur momtier:** idk strike up a conversation???

**eliza schuyscraper:** Peggy why did you just yell tiddies r great???? ?

**hercules the olympian:** that's not striking conversation that's making middle aged white mothers angry 

**marg simpson:** even better

**john cena:** but isn't texting a lot more fun like we could literally yell at each other here and no one would really care but if we do that now outside people would stare or think we're high or both 

**angelicool:** yeah but we genuinely look like that stereotype about young people never interacting when outside and only ever texting

**eliza schuyscraper:** ^shouldn't we be breaking that stereotype

**ham & cheese:** oh please that's only aimed towards teenagers we are in college

**hercules the olympian:** idrc anyway

**john cena:** like here I can say I wanna suck alexs dick and no one out due of our group would think anything weird of it

**john cena:** oh please people don't give me that look I could say far worse thing both on this chat and in rl

**marg simpson:** im gonna start randomly yelling dumb shit whenever people pass by us

**eliza schuyscraper:** why the fuck

**hercules the olympian:** please don't 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** eh she's done worse in public 

**angelicool:** someone's coming 

**john cena:** really peg? the dat boi meme?

**hercules the olympian:** I'm rly amused by Alex screaming o shit waddup

**gilbert did ur momtier:** that poor woman

**marg simpson:** me nd alex r meme goalzzz

**ham & cheese: ** schuyham memes

**eliza schuyscraper:** you guys r idiots I stg

**ham & cheese:** you love it

**eliza schuyscraper:** don't look at me like that you little hoe

**ham & cheese:** i am not a ho

**john cena:** id hope not

**gilbert did ur momtier:** ooo someone else is coming

**angelicool:** is that aaron burr

**ham & cheese:** OH SHIT PEGGY U KNOW WHAT WE GOTTA DO

**marg simpson:** OK

**john cena:** DUDE WHY DID YOU GUYS SAY THE RHYME SO LOUDLY 

**hercules the olympian:** DUDE LOOKED PIIIIIISED

**marg simpson:** GOOD JOB HAM

**ham & cheese: ** SAME TO YOU PEG

**eliza schuyscraper:** you guys are way too proud of yourselves for that

**ham & cheese:** no regrets

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i wanna join in on this

**marg simpson:** join the dark side 

**ham & cheese:** ok laf there's a guy who's bout to pass us by let's have an argument in French

**gilbert did ur momtier:** will do

**hercules the olympian:** what did you guys even say

**angelicool:** tell me why that was so amusing 

**ham & cheese: ** i called him a tree, he called me a munchkin, I told him to run back to France and do himself with a baguette, and he told me to suck his dick

**eliza schuyscraper:** wow

**marg simpson:** amazing

**angelicool:** next person we should all just start screaming the way we all undoubtedly would if we saw Washington in shortshorts 

**hercules the olympian:** that's actually horrifying

**john cena:** don't talk about alexs dad like that 

**ham & cheese:** KYS JOHN 

**john cena:** <3

**gilbert did ur momtier:** someone's coming there's a small child

**ham & cheese: ** act natural and then screech as loud as you can

**marg simpson:** DUDE THE KID FELL I'M LAUGHFD 

**hercules the olympian:** PEGGY STOP

**john cena:** YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON PEGGY

**angelicool:** lowkey im laughing too

**eliza schuyscraper:** ok maybe we should stop 

**marg simpson:** :(

**gilbert did ur momtier:** who wants to get lunch 

**eliza schuyscraper:** ME

**ham & cheese:** ME2

**angelicool:** you're buying

**hercules the olympian:** there's there's a nice cafe around here we could go 

**john cena:** come on then *smiling moon emoji*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER WILL DEFINITELY BE ABOUT ELIZA'S REVEAL OK FORGIVE ME


	10. geynolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eliza's not-so-big reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look at that a chapter with kinda sorta but not really plot. must be christmas  
> but thank yall for the kudos and comments i love your faces go get yourself a cookie because i cant physically do it myself  
> enjoy (the chapter and that cookie ;))

**eliza schuyscraper >> ham & cheeese**

**eliza schuyscraper:** alex im gonna tell everyone about me and maria

**ham & cheese: ** you sure? Theres no pressure

**eliza schuyscraper:** i really like her. I want to be able to talk about her and introduce her to everyone. I think you guys will like her a lot

**ham & cheese: ** don't throw away your shot

**eliza schuyscraper >> ham & cheese, john cena, gilbert did ur momtier, marg simpson, angelicool, hercules the olympian**

**eliza schuyscraper:** guys ive gotta tell you something

**eliza schuyscraper:** it’s about who i’ve been seeing for the past month or so…

**gilbert did ur momtier:** what is it?

**john cena:** are you okay? Should I fight someone??

**hercules the olympian:** ill help john

**angelicool:** are you alright?

**marg simpson:** should we be worried

**eliza schuycraper:** no not at all. It’s just the person i’ve been seeing is a girl. I mean I’ve liked girls before but I never really knew what it meant. And then I started liking guys and realized what those feelings were. So yeah I’m bi and I’m dating a girl. She’s so amazing and pretty and I like her a lot. her names maria reynolds

**gilbert did ur momtier:** eliza mon cheri there’s nothing to worry about we love you and your bisexuality <3

**hercules the olympian:** as long as you’re happy tbh

**john cena:** WELCOME TO THE GAY™ CLUB

**marg simpson:** YOOOOOOOOOO ANGIE YOU OWE ME TEN BUCKS PAY UP

**angelicool:** can i just buy you a sandwich or something

**marg simpson:** AND a drink?

**angelicool:** ugh fine

**eliza schuyscraper:** wait you guys betted over my sexuality? 

**marg simpson:** trust me weve always known

**angelicool:** ^

**eliza schuyscraper:** HOW THO

**angelicool:** if you think you’re slick you rly aren’t

**marg simpson:** i remember when i was like seven you wouldn’t stop talking about your super pretty and funny bestfriend who you wanted to marry

**ham & cheese: ** but a BET?

**john cena:** cruelty

**eliza schuyscraper:** i dont mind that actually as long as angel buys me some too

**eliza schuyscraper:** but i thought i was hiding it pretty well

**marg simpson:** you really weren’t

**hercules the olympian:** dude that makes peggy and angelica the only straight ones in the group omg

**gilbert did ur momtier:** the gays are taking over

**hercules the olympian:** we have but two victims left

**ham & cheese: ** remember men (and eliza) we strike by night, move undercover and as one

**marg simpson:** excuse me

**angelicool:** do we get any say in this

**john laurens:** no that’s why youre called victims

**gilbert did ur momitier:** so when do we meet the lucky lady eliza

**eliza schuyscraper:** i can add her if you want

**hercules the olympian:** DO I T

**marg simpson:** ^

**john cena:** doitdoitdoitdoit

**eliza schuyscraper has added geynolds to the chat.**

**eliza schuyscraper:** MARIA THESE R MY FRIENDS AND SISTERS I CAME OUT AND MY SISTERS BET ON WHETHER OR NOT I WAS QUEER

**geynolds:** oh shit cool

**geynolds:** hi

**eliza schuyscraper:** introduce yourselves

**hercues the olympian:** IM HERCULES AND IM DATING LAFAYETTE

**gilbert did ur momtier:** IM LAFAYETTE AND IM DATING HERCULES

**hercules the olympian:** ;)

**gilbert did ur momtier:** (;

**john cena:** IM JOHN AND IM DATING A LITTLE SHIT

**ham & cheese: ** IM ALEX AND IM BREAKING UP WITH JOHN

**john cena:** ;)

**ham & cheese: ** *middle finger emoji*

**marg simpson:** IM PEGGY AND IM ELIZA’S SISTER

**angelicool:** IM ANGELICA AND IM ALSO ELIZA’S SISTER

**ham & cheese: ** welcome to the hamilsquad

**angelicool:** i still hate that name

**ham & cheese: ** shut up angelicunt

**angelicool:** shut up hamilbitch

**eliza schuyscraper:** i deal with these people everyday

**geynolds:** yall seem cool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect to see more of maria for now on my dudes she is part of the hamilsquad (alex is totally gonna keep calling eliza his wife)


	11. L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex takin them Ls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna post this last night but I fell asleep through the middle  
> SO yeah good morning  
> Pretty sure this chapter is longer than the others and more maRIA YAY  
> enjoy yo

**ham & cheese >> marg simpson, geynolds, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool,john cena, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier**

**ham & cheese has sent a picture.**

**ham & cheese:** I HAVE JUST WOKEN UP AND LOOK WHERE MY SON WAS

 **ham & cheese:** IDEK HOW HE GOT UP THERE

 **marg simpson:** BRO HOW'D HE GET UP THERe GET HIM DOWN

 **geynolds:** lmao you woke to a gargoyle pussy?

 **ham & cheese:** IS NOW THE TIME FOR JOKES

 **ham & cheese:** H E L P.

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** alex mon cheri shut the fuck up, get your cat down from the top of that closet door, and go the fuck to sleep before i go over there and shove an entire baguette up your asshole

 **ham & cheese:** shit chill fam wasn't that serious

 **ham & cheese:** keep ur baguette away from my ass pls

 **marg simpson:** that's what she said haaaaa

 **geynolds:** or is it ;)

 **ham & cheese:** SHIT PHILIP IS CRYING G

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** im going the fuck back to sleep

**gilbert did ur momtier has left the chat.**

**marg simpson:** damn

 **geynolds:** salt

 **ham & cheese:** ok got philly down where'd laf go

 **geynolds:** my man he does not love your gargoyle pussy

 **hercules the olympian:** laf just cursed so much and practically dropped dead what happened

 **ham & cheese: **he wouldn't show philip any love

 **hercules the olympian:** hes a big French ball of hate when he's tired don't pay him no mind

 **marg simpson:** except for the fact that he basically beat alex with an L

 **geynolds:** take that L alex

 **marg simpson:** im sure he's taken waaaaay more than just Ls

 **hercules the olympian:** and yet another L for alex

 **ham & cheese:** guess what boi two Ls make a W waddup

 **angelicool:** ive been reading this the whole time and oh my god you're all losers

 **ham & cheese:** says the girl who nearly fought john over which was the best star wars movie

 **ham & cheese:** also Maria ur already trying my life wait til some dirt gets spilled about u

 **geynolds:** least I didn't call my boss dad

 **marg simpson:** OHHHHHHHHHHH

 **marg simpson:** L

 **ham & cheese: **HOW DO U KNOW ABOUT THAT

 **geynolds:** liza told me :)

 **ham & cheese:** NOT MI WIFE

 **geynolds:** don't cry too hard or washingdad might worry

 **marg simpson:** alex is taking all the Ls

 **geynolds:** do you think his fatherly senses can tell when alex is upset or is he just one of those sons who r ok with telling daddy his problems

 **ham & cheese:** i regret welcoming u into this chat

 **marg simpson:** i don't damn

 **john cena:** why r yall textin so early

 **ham & cheese:** morning qt

 **john cena:** good morning

 **angelicool:** *p u k E s*

 **ham & cheese:** come on don't be jealous

 **angelicool:** GUYS I JUST CHECKED ELIZA'S ROOM TO SEE IF SHE CAME BACK HOME LAST NIGHT FROM THE MOVIES AND SHE ISN'T THERE

 **angelicool:** I I'LL FUCK A BITCH UP WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BABY SISTER

**geynolds has sent a picture.**

**geynolds:** it's cool ang she's here w me

 **angelicool:** WHERE'S HER SHIRT WHT DID U DO LAST NIGHT

 **geynolds:** ;)

 **angelicool:** MY SISTER'S INNOCENCE NO

 **marg simpson:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LIZA GOT SOOOOME LAST NIGHT

 **ham & cheese:** my wife is growing

 **john cena:** im proud :’)

 **angelicool:** brb crying

 **hercules the olympian:** yo laf is tryna get my phone to get me to leave the chat bc the phone keeps making nois

**hercules the olympian has left the chat.**

**marg simpson:** laf is lowkey kinda scary when tired

 **ham & cheese:** well seeing as to how it's 420 in the morning I don't blame him

 **geynolds:** blaze it

 **marg simpson:** Maria if things don't work out with liza I'll be gay for you just for your comedy

 **geynolds:** we can get married and make dick jokes for the rest of eternity

 **marg simpson:** pls :’)

 **john cena:** ok I'm gonna sleep

 **john cena:** alex i suggest you do too

 **ham & cheese:**  but joooooohn

 **ham & cheese: **oh shit ok bye yall

**ham & cheese has left the chat.**

**john cena has left the chat.**

**geynolds:** what do you think got him to sleep

 **marg simpson:** there are only two things that can get that guy to sleep for a full night: eliza tucking him in (he feels like it's his mom tucking him in apparently) and john offering to have sex with him

 **geynolds:** first one kinda cute second one kinda relatable

 **marg simpson:** soooooo everyone left and liza is prolly sleeping

 **marg simpson:** wanna talk about dogs

 **geynolds:** you read my mind peg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely unrelated to the fic but im curious does anyone else listen to cold war kids bc hospital beds is stuck in my head


	12. jerry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> washingdad flashbacks, alex is a meme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S TWELVE FORTY FIVE IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW AND I ALSO HAVE EIGHT MORE PAGES OF HOMEWORK TO FINISH!!!! I AM ##STRESSED OUT  
> KILL ME  
> there also might be typos that shouldn't be there I'll check when I'm not dying ok  
> enjoy I guess

**ham & cheese >> geynolds, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, john cena, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier**

**ham & cheese:** IM GOING TO FIGHT THOMAS JEFFERSON HIS UGLY PURPLE-WEARING FRENCH WANNABE SELF

 **hercules the olympian:** here we go

 **geynolds:** who's Thomas Jefferson

 **eliza schuyscraper:** hes alexs nemesis

 **marg simpson:** pretty much yeah

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** what happened this time

 **angelicool:** this is gonna be good I can feel it in my ass

 **john cena:** angelica what

 **ham & cheese:** OK SO I'M @ WORK AND I'M LISTENING TO MUSIC BC IT WAS SLOW AT THE COFFEE SHOP SO I DIDN'T HEAR GWASH CALL ME RIGHT. SO TO GET MY ATTENTION THAT FUCKING UGLY ASS BIG LIPPED HORSE TOOTHED ASSHOLE PULLS THE EARPHONES OUTTA MI EARS AND YELLS RLYRLYRLY LOUDLY “d aD D Y S CA L LI N” BC SOMEONE (looks at laf) TOLD HIM ABOUT IT

 **ham & cheese:** SO TO DEFEND MY HONOR AND LEGACY AS A MAN I CALLED HIM A GRAPE LOOKING BUSH HEAD AND TOLD HIM TO WEAR A GODDAMN HAIR NET BEFORE SOMEONE CHOKES ON HIS WEEDS

 **ham & cheese:** THEN HE STARTED YELLING AND TRIED TO PUNCH ME BUT MADISON HELD HIM BACK AND WHEN I TRIED TO FIGHT HIM GWASH SHOWED UP BEHIND ME AND HELd ME BACK

 **john cena:** alex why do you always try to fight people

 **eliza schuyscraper:** jfc

 **geynolds:** what happened after that?

 **ham & cheese:** he and jefferson argued in his office and i pretty much got off with a slap on the wrist

 **geynolds:** at least washingdad didn't get mad @ u

 **ham & cheese:** hES NOT MI DAD

 **hercules the olympian:** once again alex is becoming the “ur not my dad” kid

 **geynolds:** ALEX SEND ME A PIC OF UR FACE SO I CAN EDIT IT

 **ham & cheese:** wtf NO

 **geynolds:** plEEEEASE

 **marg simpson:** do it omg

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** DO IT ALEXANDRE MON CHERI

 **john cena:** hey alex ;;)

 **john cena:** got an offer u can't refuse hUN

 **ham & cheese:** oh God what is it

 **eliza schuyscraper:** WORK YOUR MAGIC J

 **angelicool:** this is gonna be great I can feel it in mi ass

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** is he going to show alex his how u say

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** jerry? ;)

 **hercules the olympian:** laf qt only fifth graders say that

 **john cena:** actually I was going to offer to cook dinner tonight and buy a movie but I guess the jerry show can happen after

 **ham & cheese:** uGHHHHH FINE ONLY FOR JERRY

 **ham & cheese:** im only sending it to maria

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** we'll see it in the video anyway it's cool

 **marg simpson:** yES

 

**ham & cheese >> geynolds**

**ham & cheese has sent a picture.**

**geynolds:** beautiful

 **ham & cheese: **whatever

 

**ham & cheese >> geynolds, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, john cena, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier**

**marg simpson:** im weirdly excited

 **john cena:** me too actually

 **ham & cheese:** im not tf

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** mon ami that's because it's gonna be making fun of you

 **hercules the olympian:** and ur mistakes

 **eliza schuyscraper:** hate to admit it but yeah it's gonna be hilarious

 **angelicool:** oh please liza you have no regrets saying that stfu

 **eliza schuyscraper:** true

 **ham & cheese:** e v i l

 **john cena:** <3

**geynolds has sent a video.**

**geynolds:** done

 **hercules the olympian:** THIS IS GREAT

 **angelicool:** WHAT IS THAT PICTURE YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGRY HOBO

 **ham & cheese: **I MEANT TO CHECK THE TIME WHEN I WOKE UP AND ACCIDENTALLY TOOK A PICTURE HAVE MERCY

 **john cena:** i remember you dropped your phone on your face right after lmao

 **ham & cheese:** at this point eliza doesn't even love me all I have is my cat

 **marg simpson:** could be worse I mean you could have ended up dropping it on your eye

 **eliza schuyscraper:** true tho be grateful

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** i love this video I feel # # blesst # #

 **geynolds:** you're all very welcome

 **ham & cheese: **i am not grateful

 **geynolds:** you should be if not for me you wouldn't be getting some jerry tonight

 **ham & cheese:** i am grateful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me I'm not the only one who made the jerry jokes because I kinda still do sometimes


	13. pa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> philip sounds like he's calling alex "pa" and it's really doing things to his heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fairly short chapter for yall  
> I showed my friend a couple songs from hamilton and she rly liked them I am #blesst  
> Enjoy

**ham & cheese >> marg simpson, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, geynolds, john cena **

**ham & cheese:** guys I stg philip nearly called me Dad

**angelicool:** like the way you did with your boss

**ham & cheese: ** no seriously

**ham & cheese: ** i swear he almost did I cried 

**john cena:** i heard it he was in front of alex and i guess he wanted some food bc he kept meowing and he sounded like he was saying “pa” 

**ham & cheese:** my heart hurt

**john cena:** it was actually rly cute 

**ham & cheese:** why didnT I RECORD IT

**marg simpson:** something like that happened to me but it was with a dog

**angelicool:** for the 100th time the dog was just barking 

**marg simpson:** ok but tell me if he was just barking why was he yelling “yo”

**eliza schuyscraper:** ur delusional peg

**hercules the olympian:** you should've recorded it

**ham & cheese: ** I KNOW

**gilbert did ur momtier:** my nephew is already learning :’)

**geynolds:** i wanna meet philip :(

**eliza schuyscraper:** LET'S ALL CRASH ALEX AND JOHNS PLACE 

**john cena:** oh come on the place is a mess you're gonna make me clean

**eliza schuyscraper:** you don't have to clean were just gonna hang out

**geynolds:** it's not like we wanna hang out with you anyway were going for the cat

**angelicool:** true

**gilbert did ur momtier:** she's right

**marg simpson:** ^

**ham & cheese: ** why r u guys like this 

**john cena:** what did we do to deserve such wonderful friends

**eliza schuyscraper:** guys don't be mean

**ham & cheese: ** ELIZA :”)

**john cena:** our hero

**eliza schuyscraper:** i mean the cat won't be able to make us food

**john cena:** nvm

**ham & cheese:** ELIZABETH WHY

**hercules the olympian:** that must've stung

**marg simpson:** she has a point tho

**geynolds:** so we're going?

**ham & cheese:** pleasegodno 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** me and herc are going

**marg simpson:** the schuylers are already getting ready to leave lmao 

**john cena:** God have mercy on us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be eliza nd maria sexting (or attempting to) because someone requested it  
> If yall want you can comment some suggestions or requests or whatever for what you want to be included in a future chapter?????  
> Maybe it can be a thing we do idk


	14. sext

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad sexts. or at least attempts to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I'm back and guess what!! I'm avoiding studying for my final tomorrow!!!! A g a I n!!!!!!  
> Yay  
> Enjoy

**geynolds >> schuyscraper**

**geynolds:** so what are you wearing

 **eliza schuyscraper:** maria are you sexting me while I'm in a lecture

 **geynolds:** maybe

 **eliza schuyscraper:** well im wearing a blue blouse and jeans

 **geynolds:** how tight are the jeans?

 **eliza schuyscraper:** you're so romantic

 **geynolds:** what color is your underwear

 **eliza schuyscraper:** maria love im in a lecture rn

 **geynolds:** hey im open to that kind of stuff if you are

 **eliza schuyscraper:** babe i gtg i think the teacher sees me

 **geynolds:** bummer

 **eliza schuyscraper:** lets continue this when im back at the apartment

 **eliza schuyscraper:** ill see you soon

 **geynolds:** ok love you

 **eliza schuyscraper:** love you too qt

 

**hercules the olympian >> gilbert did ur momtier **

**hercules the olympian:** hey laf

 **hercules the olympian:** truth or dare?

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** dare

 **hercules the olympian:** dare you to send a dick pic ;)

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** alexandre warned me of fuckboys(?) and their sexting

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** im still not clear on what fuckboys are but i know what sexting is

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** is that what you're doing right now?

 **hercules the olympian:** lmao yes laf I'm sexting you

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** you know im just in the other room

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** also im in my boxers ;)

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** you should come here

 **hercules the olympian:** be right there ;)

 

**ham & cheese >> washingdad**

**ham & cheese:** hey what color is your underwear

 **washingdad:** My underwear? They're red boxers. Why is it important?

 **ham & cheese:** Oh my god, I'm sorry sir! It isn't important at all! It wasn't meant for you! Please don't tell anyone (especially Jefferson.) I'm sorry.

 **washingdad:** Don't worry about it son. Contrary to popular belief, I am familiar with some terms of young culture. Sexting is one of them.

 **ham & cheese: **I'm so sorry! I swear it was for someone else.

 **washingdad:** I know who it was for, Alexander. Tell John I said hello.

 **ham & cheese: **Right. Really sorry about this.

 

**ham & cheese >> john cena**

**ham & cheese: **JOHN

 **ham & cheese: **J I WAS TRYING TO SEXT YOU AND I ENDED UP SEXTING WASHINGTON HELP

 **john cena:** YOU WHAT OH MY GOD ALEX THAT'S FUCKING GOLD

 **ham & cheese:** DON'T LAUGH WTF I'M CRYING LOOK

**ham & cheese has sent a picture.**

**ham & cheese: **KILL ME

 **john cena:** aw baby im sorry *two laughing emojis*

 **ham & cheese:** im embarrassed ; - ;

 **john cena:** im grocery shopping rn I'll pick up some popcorn and we'll watch a movie for a while ok?

 **ham & cheese:** okay

 **john cena:** ill see you in a few

 **ham & cheese: **ily

 **john cena:** ilyt

 

**marg simpson >> angelicool**

**marg simpson:** wanna go out for drinks

 **angelicool:** sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall liked that mess


	15. mom's sandwiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> burrs here. he likes his mom's sandwiches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I updated. How are your faces? Still intact? Good bc your gonna need them to read this.  
> Also school is kicking my ass and I don't know if I'll pass so if I randomly stop posting just assume I'm dead or got all my electronics taken away or both.   
> Ye  
> Burrs in here so AYYY  
> Enjoy

**ham & cheese >> john cena, gilbert did ur momtier, eliza schuyscraper, geynolds, angelicool, feel the burrn, marg simpson**

**ham & cheese: ** ok so i added you all here (including burr) to discuss something very important

**angelicool:** did you get into another fight?

**marg simpson:** did you get thrown in jail for fighting?

**eliza schuyscraper:** do we need to bail you out?

**gilbert did ur momtier:** dont worry petit lion i got u how much is it

**feel the burrn:** i dont see why i have to help bail him out i dont have money

**hercules the olympian:** you’re the only one who’s car isnt falling apart. You could drive us?

**john cena:** alex you promised you wouldnt fight anyone

**geynolds:** im gonna guess this happens a lot

**eliza schuyscraper:** pretty much

**marg simpson:** wait they dont let you text in jail

**angelicool:** how would you know

**marg simpson:** uh

**eliza schuyscraper:** PEGGY WHAT DID YOU DO

**ham & cheese: ** guys jesus fucking christ i didnt fight anyone

**ham & cheese: ** i just wanted to know if you guys wanted to hang out later shit

**feel the burrn:** I still dont understand what I have to do with this

**ham & cheese:** i consider you a friend and we don't hang out enough 

**ham & cheese:** anyone else coming

**gilbert did ur momtier:** where is it going to be

**ham & cheese: ** my place

**hercules the olympian:** ehhhhh

**marg simpson:** idk my dude

**angelicool:** yeah I have a thing soooooo

**gilbert did ur momtier:** me too

**eliza schuyscraper:** same

**ham & cheese: ** there'll be alcohol 

**hercules the olympian:** nvm I'm going

**gilbert did ur momtier:** turns out I can go

**angelicool:** the thing was actually tomorrow

**geynolds:** ill go for the alcohol 

**eliza schuyscraper:** ^

**john cena:** we live together I can't go anywhere anyway

**ham & cheese: ** wow guys I'm really feeling the love rn

**feel the burrn:** what time do I be there

**ham & cheese: ** in a couple hours idc

**feel the burrn:** okay

**marg simpson:** now that I think about it @burr didn't you flirt with angelica once

**angelicool:** no he drunk texted me

**eliza schuyscraper:** trauma inducing…

**gilbert did ur momtier:** WHAT HAPPENED

**hercules the olympian:** ^

**ham & cheese: ** AM EMBARRASSING STORY IN WHICH I AM NOT THE TARGET? AT LONG LAST

**feel the burrn:** please no

**john cena:** please yes

**angelicool:** ok so he got totally shitfaced and he texted me thinkin i was his mom and the texts basically boiled down to “mom im literally so hungry jesus please drive here and make me a sandwich im gonna die i miss your sandwiches” and I was all like “yo im not ur mother doesn't she live on like the other side of the country” and he said “you could make me a sandwich” and then I told him to go the fuck to sleep

**ham & cheese: ** mom's sammiches sound great 

**feel the burrn:** what kind of alcohol is going to be at your place

**ham & cheese: ** you're gonna have to come over and see for yourself

**feel the burrn:** fine

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i don't blame you for missing your mother's cooking burr I miss mine too

**john cena:** same

**angelicool:** ditto

**eliza schuyscraper:** ^

**marg simpson:** ^^

**ham & cheese: ** idk bout u but I miss this dog I knew from the Caribbean that I called habichuela

**hercules the olympian:** what's that mean

**john cena:** it means beans

**marg simpson:** why'd you name a dog beans

**ham & cheese: ** look man I was hungry ok

**angelicool:** i remember being hungry while at the store so I named a stuffed bear burgers 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** i named my pet dog baguette when I was four 

**feel the burrn:** you were weird kids

**geynolds:** go cry to your mother's sandwiches 

**eliza schuyscraper:** don't be mean maria

**feel the burrn:** why is eliza the only nice one here

**ham & cheese:** don't let her fool you aaron burr sir she's a passive aggressive type 

**marg simpson:** GUYS OH MY GOD HELP ME I'M AT A CAR DEALERSHIP BC I'M TRYNA GET A NEW CAR RN AND THEY'RE PLAYING DAUGHTRY RLY LOUDLY

**gilbert did ur momtier:** who's that

**hercules the olympian:** please don't tell him please he doesn't deserve that kind of scarring 

**gilbert did ur momtier:** come on tell me

**angelicool:** tell him it can't even be as bad as burrs need for his mom's sandwiches

**feel the burrn has left the chat.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a mess and I'm not sorry lmao


	16. weeb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> laf is weeb trash what can i say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i failed my math final and have to go to summer school  
> My mom is chill with it so I get to live another day  
> Since school kicked my ass tho I'm gonna kick schools ugLY SISTER'S ASS, SUMMER SCHOOL  
> WATCH OUT YALL  
> also my dad is watching anime and it made me think of my weeb phase so I made this mess  
> I also feel like I don't include herc enough so here  
> Enjoy

**hercules the olympian >> eliza schuyscraper, geynolds, angelicool, marg simpson, john cena, ham & cheese**

**hercules the olympian:** guys help

 **hercules the olympian:** ive turned laf into a weeaboo

 **marg simpson:** oh no

 **geynolds:** praying4u

 **ham & cheese: **rest in peace my man

 **john cena:** how'd you manage that

 **eliza schuyscraper:** im so sorry you have to go through this

 **hercules the olympian:** i asked him if he ever watched anime and he said no so I showed him some now he can't stop saying shit like baka and daisuki

 **hercules the olympian:** it's been like this for weeks

 **ham & cheese: **which ones did you show him

 **hercules the olympian:** soul eater, ouran high school host club, and fairy tail (the first one because the second one truly makes me want to commit)

 **john cena:** soul eater was a good one

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i love ohshc tho

 **geynolds:** fairy tail 1 was great

 **ham & cheese: **im always a ho for my bride is a mermaid tho

 **marg simpson:** oh please that show sucked ass

 **ham & cheese: **you wanna go peg leg

 **marg simpson:** square up hamilcunt

 **ham & cheese: **kys

 **hercules the olympian:** guys is now the time for this shit

 **hercules the olympian:** he keeps yelling the ohshc theme

 **geynolds:** i salute to you

 **angelicool:** send a video

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i have to see this

**hercules the olympian has sent a video.**

**angelicool:** is he literally doing that in his boxers

 **ham & cheese: **tell me why his shirt has a pug face on it

 **hercules the olympian:** yes and idk he really loves pugs

 **john cena:** it's not half bad tbh

 **eliza schuyscraper:** other than the fact that he's running around and singing way too loudly it isn't very bad

 **marg simpson:** whatever I cringed

 **ham & cheese: **same

 **geynolds:** lowkey I wanna sing with him

 **angelicool:** oh no

 **geynolds:** hey eliza want me to sing for you ;)

 **eliza schuyscraper:** you say that like i didnt hear you sing for me last night

 **angelicool:** E L IZA

 **ham & cheese: **NOT MY WIFE

 **angelicool:** I LOST ALL HOPE FOR PEGGYS INNOCENCE BUT I HAD FAITH IN YOU

 **marg simpson:** HEY

 **john cena:** i think that's the dirtiest I've ever heard her talk

 **eliza schuyscraper:** oh come on I can make sex jokes

 **hercules the olympian:** pfft sure

 **ham & cheese: **you're too much of a cinnamon roll

 **eliza schuyscraper:** am not

 **angelicool:** you kinda are

 **eliza schuyscraper:** maria defend me

 **geynolds:** sorry bae

 **hercules the olympian:** ok so laf is crying because he just finished the last episode of soul eater

 **hercules the olympian:** hes laying on the couch next to me weeping into my lap

**hercules has sent a video.**

**john cena:** i like how ur just petting his head

 **ham & cheese: **im wheezing at the part where he yells “SOUL AND MAKA ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER THEY NEVER EVEN KISSED FUCK”

 **marg simpson:** “I LOVE DEATH THE KID”

 **geynolds:** the fact that you're just sitting there going “i know i know” makes me laugh

 **hercules the olympian:** FUCK I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS JUST AN ANIME AND IT WASN'T REAL AND NOW HE'S FUCKING PINCHING MY INNER THIGH SAVE ME

 **marg simpson:** in the arms of an angel

 **ham & cheese: **FLY AWAYYYYYYYY

 **john cena:** you guys need to get off of the internet

 **eliza schuyscraper:** oml herc are you okay

 **hercules the olympian:** he stopped but now my thigh hurts :(

 **geynolds:** rest in peace

 **hercules the olympian:** he stopped crying so I'm gonna watch some black butler with him bye yall

 **ham & cheese: **bye

 **john cena:** have fun with that I guess

 **marg simpson:** THAT USED TO BE MY SHIT

 **eliza schuyscraper:** bye herc :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope yall enjoyed that masterpiece  
> Also if anyone wants to follow my shitty Instagram (because i don't have the patience to learn how to use tumblr) im adotkys beware i post spn, memes, and hamilton


	17. piercing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex got a piercing. also philip is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest I've gone without updating. I'm still alive. Hi yall ;)  
> Again, this chapter is a mess and I think this fic is getting boring oops  
> Sorry fam ://  
> Enjoy

**ham & cheese >> eliza schuyscraper, geynolds, angelicool, marg simpson, john cena, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier**

**ham & cheese: **guys philip kinda puked on my bed and I don't wanna pick it up

 **angelicool:** Alexander Hamilfuck pick up your son's puke

 **ham & cheese: **i don't fucking want to

 **marg simpson:** i wouldn't either

 **john cena:** hey alex ;)

 **ham & cheese: **oh no

 **john cena:** ill suck your dick if you pick up the fucking puke

 **ham & cheese: **WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT

 **john cena:** you're the one who wanted the cat

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** come on it can't be that bad

 **ham & cheese: **FUCK HE'S EATING IT SHIT HOLD ON

 **hercules:** jesus

 **eliza schuyscraper:** john where are you should you be helping with this

 **john cena:** im buying giant condoms for my magna dong

 **marg simpson:** sinful

 **ham & cheese: **aw philly climbed on me and now he's chilling on my shoulder

 **hercules the olympian:** SEND A PICTURE I LOVE IT WHEN CATS DO THAT

**ham & cheese has a sent a picture.**

**gilbert did ur momtier:** alex cheri is that an ear piercing

 **geynolds:** oh shit is it

 **john cena:** yall didn't know

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i think it's cute

 **ham & cheese: **fuck

 **ham & cheese: **i didnt realize you could see it

 **marg simpson:** did you have like a mid mid life crisis

 **geynolds:** same

 **hercules the olympian:** my question is why is it a hoop

 **ham & cheese: **I WAS DRUNK OK AND AT FIRST I WAS GONNA FIGHT SOME SEABURY ASSHAT BUT THEN I PASSED A PIERCING SHOP AND I GUESS I THOUGHT IT'D BE GOOD IDEA

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** baka

 **angelicool:** LAFAYETTE YOU ARE A FRENCH MAN GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** fight me desu

 **marg simpson:** r we gonna ignore the fact that with alexs piercing, his hair, and his goatee he looks like a fucking pirate

 **geynolds:** oh my god I see it

 **john cena:** he can take my booty any day ;)

 **ham & cheese: **will do (;

 **hercules the olympian:** ew

 **geynolds:** i know what alexs Halloween costume should be

 **ham & cheese: **phil is tryna bite it now

 **eliza schuyscraper:** AW

**ham & cheese has sent a video.**

**ham & cheese: **it's precious but i hope he doesn't hurt me

 **john cena:** always wonderful to see my two boys spending time together :’)

 **marg simpson:** *pukes*

 **angelicool:** i gag

 **eliza schuyscraper:** you're just jealous you're single

 **marg simpson:** bitch I don't deny it fuck u mean

 **angelicool:** oh pls i don't need a boyfriend

 **ham & cheese: **half expecting angel to get a piercing as part of her mid mid life crisis

 **angelicool:** shut it hamilsquirt

 **ham & cheese: **IM NOT EVEN THAT SHORT MOST OF YOU FUCKERS ARE GIANTS

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** oh please im not THAT tall

 **ham & cheese: **choke on a baguette

 **john cena:** alex you're adorable

 **hercules the olympian:** cute little child

 **ham & cheese: **i hope you all die slowly

 **ham & cheese: **FUCK PHILIP BIT THE PIERCING HARD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm desperate for followers so if anyone gives a fuck my Instagram is adotkys  
> BTW I kinda miss burr so if any of yall wanna see more of him let me know (I'll probably make a couple more chapters with him anyway)


	18. 4th wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a fourth wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your eyes do not deceive you my friends this is the end of this fic  
> I have shit loads of fun writing this but I think this is a nice place to end it.  
> Fear not my lambs, I have surprise coming and hope yall like it ;))
> 
> Seriously tho I love yall and the support I got from this little fic made me cry a lot you guys are fucking great treat yourselves to a sandwich for me ok?

**ham & cheese >> john cena, eliza schuyscraper, angelicool, marg simpson, hercules the olympian, gilbert did ur momtier, geynolds **

**ham & cheese: **hey so i was thinking about our lives

 **john cena:** you ok

 **angelicool:** not again

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** should i bring chocolate

 **hercules the olympian:** ill rent a shitty movie

 **ham & cheese: **jesus christ

 **ham & cheese: **you people make me out to be an emo

 **marg simpson:** well…

 **eliza schuyscraper:** stop being rude

 **geynolds:** what's going on

 **ham & cheese: **WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY WAS i was thinking bout how what if our lives were just a show or something like a musical or a tv show

 **hercules the olympian:** that'd be weird

 **geynolds:** oh my god what if people shipped us with each other

 **marg simpson:** THAT'D BE SO COOL JFC

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** hopefully i don't die

 **john cena:** same

 **hercules the olympian:** same

 **eliza schuyscraper:** i bet I'd outlive all of you

 **ham & cheese: **why do you say that

 **eliza schuyscraper:** idk just a feeling i guess

 **geynolds:** as long as I'm not a hoe I'm good

 **marg simpson:** id be a fan favorite i mean look at me

 **angelicool:** hopefully i find the love of my life

 **hercules the olympian:** sappy af

 **angelicool:** shut up weiner

 **geynolds:** you guys know what fanfiction are right

 **john cena:** yeah why

 **geynolds:** bc what if instead of just a show or something we were on a fic

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** so you mean that there could be people reading about our lives right now

 **geynolds:** exactly

 **marg simpson:** oh shit yo lets say hi to our possible readers

 **angelicool:** omg lets do it

 **ham & cheese: **yEs

 **john cena:** HELLO THERE READERS

 **hercules the olympian:** HEY YO HOW R YALL

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** HELLO MON AMOUR

 **angelicool:** YOUr HAIR LOOKS GREAT

 **geynolds:** I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING GREAT

 **ham & cheese: **WHAT'S GOOD BITCH

 **eliza schuyscraper:** YOU LOOK RLY NICE TODAY READER

 **marg simpson:** BOI U LOOKIN NIIIIIICE ;))

 **john cena:** DON'T LET THEM HATIN HOES GET TO U

 **ham & cheese: **HEY READER IF U HAVE LONG HAIR DO YOU ALSO GO THROUGH THE STRUGGLES OF LOSING HAIR TIES

 **marg simpson:** ^

 **hercules the olympian:** YO DON'T FORGET TO CUT A BITCH IF THEY OVERSTEP SHIT OK

 **angelicool:** ok lets stop bein dumb

 **geynolds:** yeah lmao

 **eliza schuyscraper:** can we say bye to our readers

 **marg simpson:** YES P L EASE

 **john cena:** BYE YALL

 **ham & cheese: **SEE YOU LATER

 **geynolds:** ADIOS PEOPLE

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** BYE BYE ;)))

 **eliza schuyscraper:** STAY CUTE OK

 **geynolds:** remember that bitches ain't shit compared to you

 **hercules the olympian:** I'D SEW YOU SOME HOT PANTS IF I COULD

 **marg simpson:** G O O D B Y E

 **gilbert did ur momtier:** we'll that was fun

 **ham & cheese: **lets meet up for a movie

 **hercules the olympian:** yeah ok

 **geynolds:** what movie

 **john cena:** alex wanted to see civil war

 **geynolds:** me and eliza are in

 **hercules the olympian:** same w me and laf

 **angelicool:** yeah ok

 **marg simpson:** already seen it six times but alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adios for now my friends


End file.
